Post-Gluten Armageddon: Day Three? It doesnt hurt after all

“Food is the path to healing … There is no pill we can take, no surgery we can endure, and in fact, no cure other than living on an entirely gluten-free diet. Some find that distressing. I find it a blessing.

In order to be well, I have to eat well. I have to feed myself. I have to live in food.


So here I sit (on the morning of day four), three full days after removing glutens from my diet. It hasn’t been perfect, I have a half- eaten package of chicken breasts in my fridge I’m fairly certain contain injected broth which of course is not gluten free, and  I may end up having to eat it before my next trip to the grocery store. Or maybe not, I’m hoping it can go sit in the icy confines of the freezer for someone else to devour. I’ll put a big ‘X’ on it so I remember not to feed it to myself. Honestly, I’d be feeling perfectly okay with understanding the gluten-is-in-that game if it weren’t for the fact that I eat chicken for almost every meal. (And for the time being I have an answer: eat pork. Or steak. Or eggs. Done.)

Jax has handled not drinking out of my cup while he’s digging into his buttered noodles like a champ, at least after the first moment of rejection he felt when I shrieked at him. I’ve been needing to break him from his little habit of not leaving other people’s drinks alone anyways- a five year old blowing bubbles into my lemon water with mac-n-cheese lips is not my idea of ‘yummy’, gluten sensitivities or not.

Here’s the amazing thing. I looked at this idea of me going gluten free as some sort of crazy idea that could work, or it couldn’t. I’ve always been the professional skeptic- show me the facts but then back it up with good, solid evidence and reasons the counter argument may not apply. So I held on to the chance that this couldn’t make a damn bit of a difference. And then I’d be the silly girl left with some great understanding of how going gluten free works wonders for some people but apparently, not me.

But, so far, that’s not the case for me. THREE DAYS into this and I am FEELING AMAZING. What the hell! No one told me about this sooner!? I was a skeptic, no matter how much research I read or how much I could post about it either. I didn’t think at all a change like this could make a difference. Remember Joe vs. the Volcano? I’ve been walking around with Brain Cloud. And luckily for me, I feel like it has lifted. I’m not terminally grouchy with Jax. I’m getting things done (err, unless I’m on Pinterest). I took the kiddos outside to play two days in a row. No, seriously. I haven’t had that sort of energy. in. a. long. time. And we’ll do it all over again today. I’m not waking up with headaches- they went away. (The daily dose of Kale has helped. Honestly, who the eff craves kale?! Me, that’s who.) My skin is still sand paper-dry, and the eczema is a lot less red but not GONE, but its not so uncomfortable that I feel like it could walk on its own.

Really. I didnt actually think it was possible to feel better so soon. Shauna James Ahearn says it well on her website, Gluten Free Girl:

“I stopped eating gluten. I have never gone back since. At the end of the first day without gluten, I felt some energy. My stomach didn’t hurt when I ate. On the second day, I didn’t need a five-hour nap. On the third day, my brain fog cleared, as though my contacts had been cleaned for the first time.”


I may have hit a tiny bit of a low point yesterday afternoon lusting after sugary, chocolatey brownies. But I’m pretty sure thats a combo of all the pictures of brownies I’ve seen lately on gluten free websites, promising they can deliver deliciousness, and PMS. (Sorry if thats TMI, but really? Get over it… …All better?)

I will definitely concede that some of why I am feeling good is probably connected simply to the fact that I’m not subjecting my body to the never- ending crash cycle of carbohydrates and sugars of bread and pasta. But the bananas, yogurt (yes it is a hefty source of sugar), sweet potatoes, brown rice, etc- while not hovering too high on the scale of glycemic index offenders- still provide plenty of carbs for my body to contend with. The long and short of it is that I might be eating LESS carbs, but not ‘no- carb’, like with South Beach or Atkins (where people face some serious sugar withdrawals for the first few miserable days). Thankfully, I usually lack the sweet tooth so many people have, and my biggest daily source of sugar was The Dreaded Vanilla Coffee-Mate, so I’m not left jonesing for sugar like its a druggie’s crack fix. (I also had been slowly weaning myself off of coffee mate over the past few weeks because its a  source of nasty, gross calories my body didnt need, so I’ve been mixing it gradually with first fat free half and half, then almond milk, and I now have my daily decaf with just half and half or just almond milk. Full disclosure.)

The craziest thing is that a few weeks ago, I was actually adding more and more whole grains into my diet, in an effort to make sure I was eating the healthiest choices I could for my fat behind. Kashi cereals. Whole Wheat pasta EVERYTHING. And I was feeling worse and worse. Whole grains are good for you! They contribute a lot of benefits to the breastfeeding mom’s diet! Heart Health! But I was feeling even more like shit worse and worse.

The moral to the first chapter of this story is that after a solid three days of not eating gluten, I’m glad I dove in. And so far, I’ve lived to tell the tale. Its exciting to do a little nutrition research and come out on the other side not only unscathed but feeling great. Now onto tackling the frightening pantry full of pasta, and Jax’s not so great chicken nugget habit…


Natural Childbirth: Why Its Right For Me (and Probably You, Too) Part 1, Birth Stories

Happy Momma

Happy Momma

I’ve been asked many times since Bella was born why I chose to have her the way we did. Through this journey of discovering natural childbirth, I have become very passionate that it is possible for women to have unmedicated, intervention free births, and I advocate strongly to avoid these interventions when not medically necessary. I believe the maternity care system in our country is on a dangerous path away from normal birth, and that medical interventions should be saved for when they are truly needed. I believe it is time we discuss and embrace natural childbirth as the way it should be, it is time we reduce the fear of birth among women by normalizing birth, and it is time we make a conscious effort as women and parents to stand up to the dangerous practices some (many, but not all) OB/GYN’s have adopted in the hospital setting for childbirth. It is a sad fact that the ‘norm’ of medicated births have only been brought about because of greed for money and the fear of lawsuits have directed doctors down the path of fear and control. Without further ado, why I chose to make a difference by choosing a midwife……

To tell the story of Bella’s birth, I need to start with the story of her big brother, Jax, and the day he was born. Jax’s birth was very traumatic for me. While at the time I didn’t really realize how much his birth affected me, I knew it left me not ever wanting to have any more children- I swore I would never go through that again. Thankfully this is a story of healing and truth, and not one of being overcome by that fear.

We all want to trust in our caregivers. I think this trust may be an underlying issue of why so many women today are having so many interventions in their births: we send ourselves down the path our caregivers lay out for us, because we trust they know what is best for us.

When I was pregnant with Jax, I did the typical things to prepare for my first baby. I did the registries, I read What to Expect While Your Expecting and all sorts of glossy pregnancy magazines. Where we lived, there was only one women’s care practice and it was 48 miles away down off a mountain road. There was no decision in your caregiver or hospital, it was just where you went. I met the midwife on staff there and liked her, so I continued to see her for my prenatal visits. When it came time to schedule my final visit, I said I’d really like to see her for the appointment. The nurse told me I couldn’t see her for my final appointment and I would need to see an OB. That OB scheduled me for induction two days after my due date, promising it let us “be home in time for Christmas”. Unfortunately, I had no idea of the dangers of inductions- and there were no medical indications of needing induction.

I was induced with misoprostol (generic form of Cytotec), which the doctor promised was very safe. At the time, we had never heard of it, and we trusted the doctors to do what was best. What had promised to be an exciting, thrilling day where we were welcoming our first baby turned into misery and fear. My water broke and terribly strong contractions began less than 45 minutes after the dose of misoprostol. My plan, to labor on a birth ball, and in the tub, was quickly rejected by the OB, and he began pushing for pain management. Because they had given me an IV, they gave me Nubain, which I hadn’t been completely sure about taking. I had a terrible reaction to it, passing out almost immediately. (I now know I cannot have demerol-based or other narcotic pain medications, but this wasn’t the greatest day to find out) Despite it causing me to black out and feeling as if I was nearly unconscious, and it making me throw up for hours, I still felt everything. Mind numbingly painful contractions, extremely strong and on top of each other, were putting Jax into distress. After an epidural, and nearly four hours of pushing, Jax was born by vacuum extraction and was immediately taken for resuscitation. The room was silent for many minutes while they worked on him, and my first glimpse of him was of a photo on my mother’s digital camera after I pleaded to know what was going on.

After what felt like hours, but probably five to ten minutes, my mother came back to tell me Jax was in NICU, where he was having some trouble breathing and with his oxygen levels. He was born dehydrated, hypovolemic, and had a lot of trouble with his O2 saturation. His apgar was a 4. I was finally able to hold him the next day. Jax ultimately spent five days on IV fluids and antibiotics through a central line in his umbilical cord, and NO, we were not home for Christmas. We ultimately struggled and failed at breastfeeding. Thankfully today he is a rambunctious, healthy four year old.

I know a lot of mothers have said the ultimate insult is being told ‘all that matters is that they got a healthy baby’, and I completely understand why they would feel this way. I was so thankful Jax was ok, but at the time I still had no idea how many of the issues arose from the actual induction. (Misoprostol is known for its terrible side effects, I know this now. The FDA refuses to approve it for inductions, and the manufacturer published a letter to obstetricians asking that they Please, stop using misoprostol for inductions).

I thought this must be what birth is always like, and couldn’t imagine why people would ever go through with it- let alone more than once. Even worse, I thought I must be really terrible at giving birth.

Fast forward to the day we discovered Bella would be joining us. I was elated, but I also cried, knowing the end result of pregnancy would be birth. I’ve always been a very self confrontational person, so began questioning why it was like that. There had to be a better way!

I began to gather all the information I could find. Thankfully, I discovered a number of resources for what birth really can be. I learned about the natural process of birth, how and why things happen and more importantly, how to learn how to trust ourselves to give birth. I felt as if a giant weight had been lifted off of me, which I had carried since Jax was born. In the beginning I was seeing an OB for little B and our prenatals, but as the weeks ticked by and the more I learned, I began to search for a midwife. The hospital where I would most likely deliver had one midwife on staff out of the 12 or so OB’s. And at a hospital with a 39% c-section rate, I couldn’t see risking seeing her. There’d be no guarantee of midwifery care once we got there. An alternative hospital had a lower rate of 28%- better but not good enough for me.

I luckily stumbled upon a small freestanding birth center nearby my home. My sister and I went for a tour, and I felt like I had come home when I was there. I knew immediately it would be where I would give birth. At almost 28 weeks, I transferred to the wonderful midwives and never looked back. This pregnancy was a breeze, easy and with no issues. I was happy and at peace with myself and what my body was meant to do. I finally learned to trust myself and to trust childbirth.

Bella came to us on her due date. I had been determined not to go overdue, so this was very funny to me. I had a few strong cramps in the morning about 45 minutes apart. I thought they were different from the many Braxton Hicks I had been having, but I doubted they were early labor. I knew I hadnt felt like eating much. I had been joking with my friends all week about eating as much fresh pineapple as physically possible, walking everywhere, and taking evening primrose every hour (I didnt take that much evening primrose, just once a day, but I threatened to do it hourly, haha!) In reality I relaxed and took it all in stride: my body and by baby would do what they needed to do when they were ready. Dean, Jax, and I went for a walk after they had lunch, and the cramps started coming more often. They were not painful, mostly just tightening, and only very low in my abdomen. I still was telling myself this may not be anything- it would have been humiliating to make a scene only to have this become a ‘false alarm’. Eventually the waves were enough that I wanted to be by myself, whether quietly in the tub, or walking outside in our yard. I reached a point where I finally called my sister and mom, to let them know I had been having waves strong enough to be distractions, although not painful at all. I called the midwife on call and she said we should come in- but funny enough, I didnt feel ready yet! She agreed to let me wait and see how I was feeling in an hour, but would have been fine with us coming in right then. I made sure if we got there and we found I wasnt very dilated I could come home. Later my midwife told me I was one of the only people who have ever tried to negotiate NOT coming in or staying at the birthing center.

I went into the shower, sitting on my yoga ball under the hot water, talking with my sister vibrantly and then quieting each time a wave of pressure came over me. She called the midwife to update her, but left the room to talk to her. Little did I know she told the midwife I was in the shower and “did not want to come out”! “Time to go!” My sister said, matter of factly. This folks, is why I asked her to be there that day. That, along with her immense sense of humor, and innate ability to read me better than anyone else in the world, next to Dean of course.

I dawdled, while Dean and Meg went about packing things into the car. With Dean’s military past, he had the car packed and running within what seemed like seconds, while I was upstairs brushing my teeth and qtipping my ears. Meg gave me a lot of grief about worrying about these things “at a time like this”, but I reminded her, I was in no hurry, and imagine hugging me during a contraction and me having awful breath! It was wonderful to have this different attitude towards birth. I put full trust into myself, and knew it would all happen as it was supposed to. We finally loaded into the car, and wound up stuck behind a police officer on a back road with a 25 mph speed limit almost the entire way. This was a blessing, of course, because I think it was the only way Dean would have kept himself in control with me ‘in labor’ in the front seat! (He actually was just as calm as I was, at least on the outside)

We arrived at the birth center around 5 pm, and I asked to be checked. This was the only time I was checked. I had scolded Dean not to empty out the car until after I was checked- what if I was a 2 or 3? I’d be wanting to go home! Low and behold, I was a 5 1/2, with a bulging, leaking bag of fluids. Needless to say, I was not going anywhere, even if it had been up to me at the time. (: I spent the next few hours walking and in the shower. It was so wonderful to have Meg there to keep the mood light- we were laughing and joking the entire time. I labored in the shower and walked, and spent much of the time in the birthing tub, until I had a few very intense waves of tightening. I told the midwife apprentice “I dont have a nicer way of saying this, but I kind of felt like my ass was going to fall off with that one”. She laughed and told me she likes it when moms say that. I suddenly felt a very intense urge to use the bathroom, practically jumping up in the tub and grabbing a towel at the same time, between contractions, and almost ran to the bathroom slamming the door behind me. (This intense pressure is from the baby moving down, not really from needing the bathroom) My Midwife knocked on the door and said it was okay to be in there but please dont lock the door!! I was shivering and shaking, sitting on the toilet, very clearly in transition. I actually had the wherewithal to tell myself that’s what was going on! I labored through some some very intense contractions, supporting myself on the wall and breathing as calmly as I could.

Finally I felt as though I could come out- I was having a lot of very red bloody shreds of show. I made it to the doorway when ‘the mother of all contractions’ hit me, and all I could do was drop to my knees. Dean tried to catch me as if I was falling and I said No no, please let me down! its alright!! I was completely blocking the doorway- the MW (Autumn) and Apprentice, Allison, were running out the other bathroom door, down the little hallway and into the birthing room to grab extra supplies. Never did they even suggest moving. And suddenly my body began pushing- just as so many others have described it as a ‘throwing down’ instead of throwing up. They gave me a birthing ball to lean on, and after just a few pushes holding Dean’s hands, leaning on the ball and on my knees, I pushed my daughter out. I only once said something while pushing, whispering “oh! it burns!”. Autumn told me to just let my body stretch and let go, and then suddenly she was saying she was going to hand my daughter to me through my knees. I was just so amazed at how surreal the entire experience had been. There she was, perfect and beautiful, and I had trusted in myself to let her come as she had been meant to.

 Bella was born at 8:55 pm, on August 4th, 2011. I held her immediately, letting the cord pulse, in the doorway of the birthing room. After delivering the placenta, they helped us move to the bed, where we were able to settle in together and nurse for the first time. Allison made me scrambled eggs, a whole grain waffle, and a gigantic glass of iced OJ- and I have to say this was the most delicious meal I have ever eaten (and thats saying alot, I went to culinary school and have worked and dined in many fine dining restaurants). Later she was weighed and examined, and announced perfect. Her apgars were 10 and 10. After resting for a bit, we were cleared to go home when we were ready, and decided we’d take advantage and sleep in our own bed- so we were home by midnight. I really felt fantastic, on top of the world. Talk about a birth high!! How wonderful!

Bella’s birth has been hugely transformative for me. Every child one has, one’s life is changed. I had no idea though, how much giving birth could change my life as well. In childbirth I have found a new passion I know will help shape our family’s future somehow, whether I just share my story or I pursue a career like becoming a doula or midwife. I do know wherever I go from here, there are other mothers out there in the world needing to be healed and needing to know the truth of what birth can be like, and if this story reaches just one, its one step in the right direction.

Fired Up Friday: How Breastfeeding Has Gotten Lost Along The Way

I am introducing a new topic starter for my blog called Fired Up Friday. On these posts I will be discussing some things that I have either felt a great need to raise question about them, or they are controversial in nature. A lot of these topics will center around the natural parenting and childbirth world- there’s a lot of controversy there. With Fired Up Fridays, I would like to invite you to discuss these topics with me! What matters to you as a mom or a woman probably matters to a lot of other women. What do you wish you had known for yourself and your babies? What do you hear so many people questioning and wonder yourself if you should be doing the same? Was there an experience you absolutely revel in or was there an experience you had becoming a mother that was devastating? I invite your comments here on the blog but also on my new Facebook page, Life with Jax and Bella. Its a little lonely over there since its new- come on over, like the page, and leave a post on the wall about something about parenting, mothering, or life that gets you ‘fired up’. Spread the word about this blog and the FB page with your friends. My hope is we’ll be able to start discussions, share information, help each other with questions, or share a rant we just need to get out. Empowerment among mothers can be a wonderful thing. Maybe something I thought was a big deal isn’t, or maybe what I share here is earth shattering news for you. So, without further ado, my first topic — breastfeeding and society today:

Recently I had the pleasure of finding a Facebook chat for breastfeeding mothers. This site is meant to be a supportive environment to chat, post questions, and to even post pictures of little ones nursing. I also found a La Leche League International FB page, the leaders of breastfeeding education and support across the globe. Since attending LLL meetings in my area is not an option, this was something I was
happy to find.
I would never doubt someone saying that breastfeeding can be challenging, nor would I doubt someone looking for help or advice. There are plenty of times to need answers when it comes to being an infant’s only food source. I certainly have had to do my own homework
too. I am struck by just how many posts in the ‘nursing chat’ group involve *sudden* drops in supply, as if in a single moment their milk is gone; unsatisfied babies who must still be hungry simply because they cry, and even a single nursing session with a poor latch on a four month old, with no prior issues, automatically is assumed to be tongue tie. The cries for help are riddled with statements like ‘I am
such a failure’, ‘I am letting her down’, and ‘someone PLEASE tell me
what I am doing wrong’. It seems, unfortunately, that many of these
mothers are on this site to constantly stir up the drama they have been taught goes along with breastfeeding.
Again, I don’t doubt there are genuine issues many moms are having- I went through countless issues of weak and poor latches, battled constantly clogged ducts, and even with books I had no idea how to battle through to succeed at nursing with Jax. A ‘lactation consultant’ through the area hospital
was not helpful, telling me when I asked about Jax’s latch and that the hospital had provided us with a shield to help him learn, she said she had never heard of a nipple shield and did not have any
suggestions how to help him breastfeed without it.
The question that I am raising is, are there really this many issues here? Or are these mothers, despite their efforts to give their babies what is best by breastfeeding, falling victim to the fear mongering so present in our society- circling like sharks around breastfeeding, mothering, birth and maternity care today? A woman’s perceived inadequacy has been a prevalent issue for breastfeeding mothers, fed by unsupportive or uneducated health providers, relatives who mean well by suggesting ‘a bottle would be easier’, and nurses and
hospitals bound by ridiculous procedures and habits which hinder breastfeeding by intervening in the natural process of birth and immediate bonding.
Hospitals and Pediatrician offices hand out formula and ‘new baby
kits’ from formula companies left and right. There are even ones
targeted to breastfeeding mothers, the pamphlet stating ‘We support
your choice to breastfeed. But life changes, and when it does, we’re
there for you’. Products flood the market for ‘feeding’ infants- covers (let’s not get me started on the cover up issue), second rate pumps *made by formula companies* which do not meet World Health Organization standards, different ways to ‘tag’ which side you nursed on because ‘you might forget’. Just how incompetent do mothers really seem? Its easy to see why so many moms doubt themselves today.

It is a little known fact that the USA is one of the few countries that actually allows formula to be advertised. Formula companies earn millions annually for products which are regularly recalled. The WHO actually recommends formula only as a last resort for babies, after options such as donated milk from a milk bank or a wet nurse have been exhausted. This is not a bitter diatribe to say parents who choose formula are wrong to do so. I am the first person to say parents need to decide what’s right for THEIR children. But is it time for society to realize what
is natural and deigned by design has been not only forgotten, but taught as wrong, shameful, and inadequate for our infants? Do hospitals and doctors really have evidence to back up their policies
preventing the all too important process of birth bonding to take place to allow for a successful start to breastfeeding? (No! They don’t!!)
I sat last night with my grandmother, her sister, and a friend, who talked about what breastfeeding had been like for them. They all said they tried so hard, but lasted a couple weeks. Why? It hurt, they didn’t know how, and they didn’t have any help aside from their doctors. The doctors’ advice? Give them formula- its better anyways. The importance of support and knowledge is invaluable for the
breastfeeding mother. The source of this support, however, is just as important. Having hindsight always puts the advantage in my hands as a parent- in this case knowing the information I have found surrounding one of the most important things we can do for our babies is better, more informative, and more truthful than what I had seen in the past.
So what can we do? Short of sitting in a circle together in a busy public place, nursing our babies singing Kumbaya, (not happening for me, its not my style)- we can spread the word and support each other as mothers (Breastfeeding or not). We can share the information and successes we have- and we can share what hasn’t worked too. We can be supportive of moms nursing in public. In the paths we travel further into motherhood, we can seek out health care providers who are supportive of breastfeeding. We can learn the requirements hospitals and care givers must meet to be labled ‘Mother Friendly’ and ‘Baby Friendly’. We can take it one step further by seeking out care providers endorsed by CIMS, (The Coalition for Improving Maternity Services) to ensure we get the right start when having another baby. Most of all, we can surround ourselves with information and confidence- and remember there are things we were meant to do, and even though its a learning process, we can do it.
Now its your turn. Did breastfeeding come naturally to you? Did you love it or not? Did you wish you had better support or did you have the best help you could find? Did you formula feed from the start because you didn’t know how to breastfeed or were embarassed by it? Do you nurse in public with no hesitation? Its time to share!!